Safety Net

It's been no secret to those that know me that I have been pretty unhappy at my most recent job. About 6 months ago I left a warm, comfortable, and cozy job working for Tri-State and ventured out to take job working in Boulder, CO. While the new job taught me a lot about what I want to be doing with my career, it ended up being a casualty of that lesson. The work wasn't what I wanted to ultimately be doing, and it conflicted morally of what I want the world to be like.

So, like a lot of other people in the world, I am without employment. I'm not terribly upset, but it's nice to sleep in and be a do nothing some days. Other days I get really bored without a desk or cube to inhabit. I think it is helping me though. Having no responsibilities really lets me sit back and think: where do I want to go, what do I want to be doing, and who do I want to be with. I had a couple ex attacks, but I think they stem more from being by myself for too long than actually caring much about her.

My goal is to find that place/thing within about 3 months. I probably don't want to jump at the first thing that comes along, but being too picky may backfire. 3 months seems like a good amount of time before I start dipping too hard into my savings, and plenty of time to think about what I want and who I want to be ultimately. Finding someone to spend time and sharing my life with will probably be on hold while I figure all this shit out, but I won't turn my taxi light off entirely. I have to go pimp myself professionally and personally pretty hard in the next year it seems.

Holy Paladinning in Dragon Soul

So right now I am refining my play style and gearing for Dragon Soul raiding. Got the basic power auras rolling, getting some gear, but I am still in the dark in terms of what secondary stats I should be getting.

I think that paladins are moving on from spirit\haste build of the previous tiers now that we have a new toy to play with, Holy Radiance. The initial HR hit heals for a lot, but I am really underwhelmed by how much the HOT ticks heal for. Being that Dragon Soul has a ton more raid damage and fights that people are stacking up for, I don't feel bad at all leaning on my HR button for a majority of my healing.

So now I look at my secondary stats and scratch my head. I see other paladins going towards mastery, and I really want to go that path too but I feel like that would be pigeonholeing me in a really awkward place. The absorb bubbles will look good on the meters, but I'm not sure that it is actually doing much heavy lifting at all. I need to be able to figure out my "absorb efficiency" to see how much those absorbs are saving people's lives.

Mastery seems like a great stat to smooth out the healing needed by the raid, crit is awesome if you are rolling hot dice and like big numbers, and haste gets that healing our much faster. I am not sure there is a right answer since each stat complements another in some way. Crit can give you bigger mastery shields, but more unevenly. Haste lets you "crit" and "shield" more as you are casting more spells per minute. Mastery "looks" like you are healing more. It's this weird three legged stool / Triforce that makes everything complicated.

Which is good. Stacking one OP stat would be boring. =D

I think I want enough haste to GCD cap on Ultraxion. After that I think I am going to move into crit and see where that goes. Crit ultimately will make bigger heals which will beget bigger mastery absorbs. If healing gets too spikey, I can move more into mastery.

Ensidia Shot First.

As far as I am concerned, this tier of raiding was over before it started. Ill gotten gear, boss exploits, and bugging out of encounters; this is all I have heard regarding T13 heroic raiding so far. The raiding community has shown just how far they are willing to go to get their name on the front page of wowprogress.com, and I think the whole community is disappointed in how guilds have conducted themselves in order to get ranked kills. While there have always been exploits and bugs, this tier just seems to amplify and bring all this to the forefront with the breadth of how much foul play is happening.

There are some guilds that are worthy of their rankings and did things the right way to get where they are, but the vast majority of guilds have gotten their hands caught in the cookie jar, or done some other dirty deeds to get their rankings up.

Hagara has some encounter breaking bugs right now that probably make the fight a ton easier. Big Crits killed her on Heroic (World 10 woot) and used a strategy involving classes that can move while casting in order to make the fight easier. I'm not sure if this is a bug or not, or the intended way of killing her on heroic, but it still stands out in my mind that the fight was cheesed somewhat; while not as blatant as other guilds (Shattering throw comes to mind.) it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Nevertheless, our guild killed her dead before many many other heroic guilds.

Does it even matter though? The race was corrupt from the start. Many of the top world guilds were out of the race before it even started because they did things they knew were against the spirit of competition. Big Crits is currently ranked #14 in the WORLD. It's a perfect storm that benefits us greatly and spirits are sky high. Does all this diminish our acheivement? I don't know.

Raiding. Leading. Again.

About a month ago, I got that itch again to start raiding. I missed it, more importantly, I missed the people that enjoy raiding. The people that make new friends constantly, tell geeky jokes, make bad sexual innuendos and double entendres. You know, fun people. Not like all those stuck up people you meet everyday in real life.

Ishraaq, our fearless Da Crew chief approached me about leading another firelands run. Something simple, something 10man, something for mains/alts/those not raiding enough. I agreed to lead it. This has now morphed into a 25man Dragon Soul run with expectations attached to it. Yikes.

Let's talk about Da Crew for a second quick. Da Crew is our "casual" raiding rank for people just not up to snuff with the standards of the main progression team, but still wanting to raid with good people. The problem is that casual is a very grey word. Back when Big Crits was formed and the guild was starting to pick up steam, there were a lot of people wanting to be a part of the guild, but did not have the time/desire to raid in a progression environment. Couple this with the fact that pugging raids on Sen'jin horde was AWEFUL, Da Crew started joining up and became a casual group of people of whom the alts of the main raiders, and the casual folk could play and have a good time getting some phat purps.

Now, in my opinion, looking from my ivory tower of progression raid leader was that Da Crew never really found it's place in the guild. Was it a place for just the raider rejects? Was it a place where more social raiders could have a place to be? Was it a place where raider alts could come and snatch gear from mains? Are Da Crew raiders just in fact second class guild members and second class raiders? At one point or another, all the above could be true. This has always been a struggle for the people who wear "Da Crew" label.

I am interested in having more nights free than more nights raiding, because I will be unemployed shortly, and I would like to have some time to establish myself wherever I end up next year (Spoiler, I am moving out of Colorado). I am also single, which I need time to date and meet new people when the time comes.

So in coming back to raiding, I am not immediately interested in a progression schedule with progression commitments. Am I any less skilled at the game? I doubt it, maybe a little out of practice, but I'm not worried. So I want to take Da Crew under my wing and make them into the best raiders they can be, on a shorter time schedule. In comparison, the typical Da Crew person raids less than half the hours of the progression team in a week, and that's even not a lot of hours given most progression guilds raid 20+ hours every week.

I'm interested in where this will take me, since I have always pushed myself to be a US or even world class player. Will Da Crew be able to find it's voice and it's place in the guild, or even the WOW community as a whole. I am very optimistic.

From hell's heart I stab at thee!

Thanksgiving sucked.

I hadn't been back to South Dakota in about 2 years, and I was really excited to see my family and a ton of people that I hadn't been around in a while. Everyone was doing really well, and doing fun things, having babies, going to college, having boyfriends/girlfriends, and enjoying life. While hearing about all this and talking to everyone, I was having a hard time coming up with anything that I could tell them about how good things are with me. I have a very social, attractive fun family and I already felt like the black sheep, so this compounded my problems.

I feel like all I have is this big dumb brain, which inhibits me more than anything. I’m not especially good looking or friendly. Being social is hit and miss; sometimes I really enjoy myself, other times I just want it to end. This is all hitting me today. All the change I set up for myself over the last year seems to have been a pretty big failure. Crappy job, no relationship prospects, and my self-esteem has never been lower.

I hate my job, but as I look for a new one, I get scared of making another career mistake. Working for my company is stressful and unfulfilling. The work and the theory behind what I do is interesting, but the management at the company is nonexistent; they seem more interested in making money and jumping through hoops for new customers than getting the fundamentals right. Their software is just a bunch of hacks they throw on top of one another to keep the system going. It’s not a place for an electrical engineer; it seems like more of a place for someone with a finance or business degree. I have a pretty bleak opinion about commodities and financial trading, and this job isn’t helping.

Quitting outright seems like a better and better option every day, even if I don’t have another job lined up. Something in the back of my mind says that this experience is making me stronger, but I feel like it is just killing me softly. I still work with my old employer once a week, and they are always telling me I can come back, but this just makes things worse. It reminds me that my job is a pile of steaming excrement.

I want to move out of Colorado, but I waffle on that front as well. Where do I want to be? Will I miss having my family around? Will I just eventually hate it there as well and am I trapped in some weird cycle?

I don't want to be unhappy; every day I try to do things and think things that get me in a better mood, or cheer me up. The same old tricks and my tried and true methods aren’t working anymore: Upgrading my computer, playing video games, good beer, and sushi. First world problems I suppose, but they are MY first world problems.

This big down note is probably needed though. You need the bad to appreciate the good. It just sucks fucking ass when all the good and all the bad hits at once.

Addicted to Love

If there has been one thing that confused and interested right and left brained people alike throughout the ages, I think love tops the list. Whether it be chemical, spiritual, or soulful, love eludes us and tantalizes us even when you think you have a grasp on it. Whatever "it" is, its power cannot be questioned.

Love affects the brain in strange ways; many people have made the comparison that love is a drug. I tend to agree. I've been in love. It makes a person do very strange and uncharacteristic things. It can take many forms. I have loved family, women, friends, games, and other things. It makes you feel good about yourself to have something other than yourself that you can care about, and if administered correctly, love has as symbiotic effect that enhances that feeling tremendously if that love is returned. Prolonged exposure to this love substance has a high chance of addiction, and I think a lot of people who have breakups, lose a loved one, or can't interact with an activity in the same way suffer from serious withdrawal. Hi, my name is Eric, and it's been 18 months since my last hit.

This sobering period has made me rethink who I am as a person since the ex. We were madly in love, and this led to a severe withdrawal. There was a short period of downtime after we broke up, but my love addiction needed to be sated. I look back on the last year and I have been desperate for a fix, something to pick me up and keep me going. In retrospect, I was dating compulsively; I threw a lot of time and energy into seeking other people out, hoping to have the love demon quieted. I think I am recovered, but there is a long journey ahead. I feel like an alcoholic who has just discovered he has a problem with alcohol; he is not sure if he can trust himself with the substance that has caused him so much pain.

Is love real? You betcha. For all you nay sayers out there, you just haven't tried it, or are recovering like me and the only way to stay clean is the not acknowledge that it exists. That’s fine though. Do I want to stay clean forever? At the moment, yes; I’m not sure who I will meet, or where I will be but I’m confident that at some point in the future that crazy potion #9 will end up back in my system.

Venting

Right now Basek is getting on my nerves. I have the feeling that he doesn’t want me to raid with the 25man team in any capacity. It seems like he doesn’t want to bring me in as a backup, even on farm nights, and I have asked a couple times to do farm content with the guild and I have gotten no for an answer. Maybe I am asking too much from the guild to raid with the main team if I don’t have the time to dedicate to being a full time raider. I will talk to him and see if there is some sort of miscommunication.
He is very optimistic and charismatic, and also doesn’t take any shit from anyone. It seems to me he is much more of a cheerleader raid leader than I am accustomed to, but I think he is getting the job done.

Big Crits is currently working on heroic Ragnaros, and he and I disagree whether the guild could have downed him without the most recent nerfs on the boss. While I agree that we have a stronger raiding team than ever before, I doubt that we have enough raid comp flexibility and kill Ragnaros as it was designed initially. There are guilds out there who are more skilled than ours, who have been 6/7 since the beginning of August, and who still haven’t killed H-Rag yet. Unless Big Crits wants to bash its’ face in on a boss for 3+ months before killing it, I think that the nerfed version would be a better use of its time and not getting burned out on the game. Sure Basek doesn’t care either way, but attrition will set in and we will lose players to getting burned out or going to more progressed guilds; recruiting will get harder, and ultimately the guild will be weaker so that he can get that pre nerf satisfaction.

For that matter, neither of us have a choice in the matter, the nerfbat has hit, and none of us have control over it. Back in Sunwell, my old guild spent about a solid month and a half on Muru, and while it was satisfying to kill, nobody cares that we did that after all this time. It’s nice in my mind, and I can brag about it to people who are long time players, but ultimately I would have rather been 6/6 than beating my face against that fuckhead. Nobody will care if Big Crits killed a pre nerf Rag even 6 months from now, because the player base has the attention span of a gnat.

Snoz has been a big help to the guild in terms of recruiting and financing, and he is a lovable asshole, except when he is being an asshole to you. He keeps poking me that my 10man never got heroic Alakir. To that I say, his group was cherrypicked from the 25man team (mine wasn’t) and his group had 10 raiders that knew how to not fuck up phase 1 (mine didn’t).

Our 10man spent way too much time in phase 1 because we had a healer that continuously died to lightning, and the healers couldn’t keep up in Phase 2 in general. Snoz’s group had 2 shadow priests where our group had none, and due to the damage stacking buff with the healing done by vampiric embrace, this really provides a lot of raid healing to the group so that you can push the fight further. They also had Rationality who was hands down the best healer in the guild. For all I care, Snoz can shove his four winds title up his ass, I got mine first anyways.