My Dating Rules

Just when you think you are done with girls, you get sucked right back in…

There is a really cute girl, let’s call her Wilma, that I have been crushing on for about a month. She is beautiful; she has a great smile, and has a sense of humor and a personality that I am especially attracted to. She also lives somewhat close to where I will be working when I start my new job. I have decided against my better judgment that I will take her on a date and see how it goes.

This dating thing will probably be more of the exception rather than the rule. I’m not anticipating myself going on a lot of dates over the next year.

The problem is that I told myself I was done with girls and dating until I get myself where I want to be. After watching a crappy romantic comedy in the middle of the night, I decided that I don’t want to change who I am to make someone else happy. There will never be a right time or a right me to start wanting to see other people, and some of the best self improvement I have ever done was while I was dating/seeing other people.

I need to meet myself halfway though. Getting in shape is the most important thing I want to do for myself, and I think that is the paramount thing that needs to happen for myself. I have lived for too long as moderately in shape, but I have never respected my body. That needs to change big time.

The year after I broke up with She Who Must Not Be Named, I went on a dating frenzy, trying desperately to replace what I had lost. I had some success, but I was grasping at straws for the most part. If one does something aimlessly and without goals, they are usually destined for failure. So, some ground rules need to be in place if I am going to do the dating thing right this time.

1) No Online Dating.

There is a temptation there that the girl of my dreams is somewhere out there on the internet. After giving it a solid try, I can safely say that my odds of finding someone worthwhile out there are pretty slim.

Not many people have their shit together and are legitimately looking for someone to start seeing. Half the people were probably like me, not much direction and doing it a little compulsively. The other half are bitches, plain and simple. I’m sure this goes for the other side of the coin. From what I hear, probably more than half of internet dudes are douchebags.

If I date people I meet from reality, less of the mystery is spoiled by all the stalking that goes with online shopping which is what I want to get away from. The internet feels more like a store than a place where real human beings exist on the other end of the tubes. Meeting people through friends or mutual interests is a much better springboard to go from, instead of “I looked through all your pictures first and then read all 23 paragraphs of your profile, and sent you a message that you probably didn’t read completely.”

I’ll check my OKCupid profile from time to time, but that is mostly just people porn. It’s fun to see what other crazy females are out there, but they require way too much energy to actually meet.

2) Work Out or Die.

If I am going to allow myself to date, I must first be disciplined enough to take care of my health. If I can’t follow this rule, I have no business including someone else in my self neglect.

I might be too hard on myself, but I’m big on self improvement, and in my mind this one has been put off for far too long. If I haven’t been to the gym 3 times within one week, no weekend girl times.

3) Don’t Plan the Second Date While In the Middle of The First Date.

I’ve fallen in this bear trap so many times, and it has resulted in a lot of crappy second dates, and it’s mostly been because I was thinking with my dick instead of actually having a good time. Yea, even I want to segue a date into the bedroom; guys are like that. If you are ever out and the guy pulls this trick, it’s probably because he likes what’s under your clothes.

Nobody wants to be rude on a date, especially girls. If a guy starts talking about places to go next time, a girl can’t help but play along and agree to go even if she doesn’t want to see the dude again. It also puts the other person on the spot and in an awkward position.

Take a day in between when the date ended and when you get in touch again to go out. If she is still interested, she will say yes. If not, she will rudely ignore your phone calls/emails, and you will know that she doesn’t want another free meal.

4) The T-Shirt Litmus Test

My wardrobe is composed of a lot of T-Shirts, and most of them have something nerdy and funny on them. Very seldom a girl will actually take time to look at my t-shirt, or remark about it, or complement it. I’m not saying that I am a fashion genius, but I think the shirts that I wear are awesome and at least cute and funny, but as an extension reflect my personality of being cute and funny.

Ladies, you know I love you, but the fact remains that a lot of you are really wrapped up in yourselves and you don’t tend to notice much about the guy that you are going on a date with, let alone anything outside a five foot radius.

This isn’t a dealbreaker but if a girl that I go on a date with actually says something about what I am wearing and thinks it’s clever or it makes her laugh, I might break rule #3. This is the exception.

5) Go on interesting dates.

I’ve planned some pretty lame dates in the past but I have definitely improved this skill as time has gone on. A good date is something that both people find fun and interesting, and the primary purpose is to HAVE A GOOD TIME and maybe investigate this other person a little bit as well.

The tried and true dinner and a movie kinda doesn’t fit today’s modern scene anymore. It feels way more like an interview than an actual evening where two people enjoy each others company. One person asks a question and the other responds, and then the second person gets a turn to ask a question. It’s become extremely inorganic, and bordering on lame. The movie dinner date has its merits, but I would reserve it for people that are going steady, and those already committed to each other.

Speed dating seems much worse where you are taking pretty much all the fun out of the already painful dinner date and just shooting each other full of holes with questions. Get to know this other person first and figure out what they like before asking them out. Generic dates = no second dates.

Rules complete. Now to abide.